I don't have a Facebook page. Not a personal one, anyway. And I don't know why I'm often proud to share that fact with others. It doesn't make me a better person, but it does put me in the minority. My husband has a Facebook page, most of my friends have a Facebook pages, and we have a Facebook page for the office. I'm on Linked In…we have a blog…but for some reason, a stigma specifically surrounds Facebook, especially when it comes to personal relationships and interfering with personal relationships.
I don't think that Facebook causes break-ups, cheating, or ultimately divorce. But, it certainly may make it easier. Never before have we had a way to think about, then look up, then contact people we used to know so easily. I often find that I have a client who discusses finding out about an extramarital relationship via Facebook, by the posting of comments on a "wall" by others, or by pictures posted, or even by comments that Facebook friends make. I also find that I have friends, outside of work, who mention that their husband or significant other was contacted by someone he used to know, and perhaps someone he used to date; often, this person hasn't made contact in many, many years. If a marriage is already faltering, a "message" from a "friend" who hasn't been seen or heard from in years may pique one's interest: "I wonder what she's doing now…maybe it would be good to meet and catch up…I certainly need something to take my mind off of my current problems…" In my opinion, it's very rare that a third party is able to break up a happy marriage. But if the marriage or relationship isn't doing so well, then it's a different story. And Facebook may facilitate this.
And what if you are going through a divorce or breakup? Facebook often comes into play there, as well. I've had many clients who have told me that their divorce was amicable, and that the parting of ways was a mutual decision; thus, a true case of "irreconcilable differences." That is, until they checked their spouse's Facebook page or was told by a friend of something on their spouse's Facebook page involving a third party, whether it is a new paramour, or one that was involved during the marriage unbeknownst to my client. In situations like this, a more simple, straightforward divorce heads into the realm of major litigation. The length of the process is extended, and so is the cost, both emotionally and financially. Again, this wasn't a situation caused by Facebook: the involvement with the third party was there, but Facebook makes it much easier to discover. Even if my client knows about a current affair, Facebook can often change the rules of the pending divorce by showing that the other spouse is spending money (vacations, gifts, parties) on the relationship, thus driving financially-fueled litigation ("she can't afford to pay our mortgage but she can afford to take a trip to Hawaii with her boyfriend???"). And when a custody battle is pending, printed-out Facebook pages are often sliding across my desk, whether in my capacity as an attorney for one of the parents or in my capacity as a Guardian ad Litem (when I am appointed by the Court to advocate for the best interests of the children). Everything is relevant when custody comes into play, if it affects the children, and some parents make the mistake of a very transparent Facebook page. If older children are involved, they may also look at a parent's Facebook page, causing further, very complicated issues that might take therapy to resolve.
And what about the end of divorce? I recently was involved with a divorce of a younger couple, who had no children but were married for 10 years. The divorce didn't take too long, and though infidelity was involved, it wasn't overly combative. But at the end? The wife had a divorce party, complete with a cake topped with a bride chopping up a bloody groom. She even took a bouquet to the courthouse when the divorce was finalized, and took a picture of herself "tossing her bouquet" straight into the courthouse garbage can. All of her Facebook "friends" were able to see the pictures of her (in my opinion, tacky) divorce party…and her friends of course included her ex-husband and his family and friends. So this was a fairly amicable split, but because this spectacle was posted on Facebook for all "friends" to see, these two are at odds, and so are their family and friends who remained neutral and friendly throughout the process.
So what's my point? I hardly think after reading this that anyone will delete their Facebook page (why, after you've accumulated so many FRIENDS?). But be careful. You might trust your friends, but Facebook friends are a different breed, and your information, postings, and pictures will eventually get into the hands of someone who you'd rather not be privy to your personal information. Think about what you post before you post it, or it just may come back to haunt you.
